Beards

“Great men are not defined by their courage, their honor, or their accomplishments, but rather by their facial hair.”- Me

Why should you grow a Beard?

Reason 1: Facial Customization

Men get a rare opportunity to customize their facial appearance with Beards that women, children, and pets can never have. Thanks to modern technology such as razors and scissors Beards can b e trimmed and groomed to each man’s (or circus woman’s) personal preference. The variety beard and mustache stylings are vast and plentiful with new ones being discovered all the time. All these different choices give you the opportunity to change the way that you want to be seen. Beards are the ultimate form of self expression.

Reason 2: Respect

Beards emit respect. Growing a bear will grant you respect just because people will relate you to other great bearded men. When someone sees the hair on your face they will say to themselves in an internal monologue. “Hey me, check that guy out. He has a Beard! It must have taken a while to grow that. You know who else had a beard? Abraham Lincoln. He freed the slaves and reunited the country. I’ll bet this bearded guy could both free and reunite things like all the time, just like Honest Abe. I respect that.”

Reason 3: Powers

I can’t confirm this completely but some evidence does hint that Beards may actually give people special powers. If you think about it Beards are prevalent in a great deal of extraordinary people. I mean pretty much all ancient gods had Beards, Odin and Zeus being the most epic of them. When was the last time you saw a Wizard without a beard? Gandolf’s Beard was so powerful, when he shaved it off the residual effects let him continue to control metal and people started calling him Magneto! Grizzley Adams’s beard was so epic that he gained wilderness skills and was buddies with a bear (a word which I will point out makes up the majority of the word Beard… coincidence? I don’t think so). Jesus has a Beard, and there’s a whole testament about the cool things he did with it.

I have one, and I wrote this blog! Start not shaving right now